What matters

One year ago my husband boarded a plane to be an ebola fighter in Liberia, Africa.

It mattered to God that he went.

It mattered to him that he went.

It mattered to me that he went.

It mattered to the people of this planet that he went.

We trusted.

We hoped.

We believed. 

A year later I find myself after traveling across the world and back asking God 

what matters now?

I'm still trusting.

I'm still hoping.

I'm still believing. 

"Be still and know that I am God..."

Twenty thousand miles

By air and by car we have covered twenty thousand miles since mid July. 

What am I seeing?

Familiar places.

What am I hearing?

Familiar burdens.

What am I learning?

Familiar lessons.

What am I praying?

Not to let familiarity take hold of living an extraordinary life. 

"Whoever loses his life will find it..."

Lost and Found

Living outside of America for almost half of this year, I've been thinking about how God is molding me, shaping me, what I've lost and what I've found...

I have lost vain opinions about how I and other people should live, love, look, work, play, serve, worship, speak, drive, eat, dress, shop, save, spend, birth, learn, parent, help, plan, pray.

And I have found calm in a region used to conflict; peace in a city known for chaos; hope on a continent known for disease; satisfaction in a place of hunger; kindness in a country known for terrorism; love and friendship- from street kids, orphans, missionaries, refugees, men, women, pastors, preachers, couples, teenagers, children living in slums, on compounds, working in restaurants, for NGO's and on street corners, all from different parts of the world all gathered here for such a time as this. My life has been changed, forever and ever, amen. 

 

I don't think returning back to America will be easy for me as we have made friends here who are like family and the thought of leaving them brings us to tears. I asked my husband what he thought it may be like for me and how has he been able to transition back after having traveled out of the USA and served in now, over fifty countries.

He said, "it will be frustrating for you at first, for sure, but you will be okay, pray through it."

As he took my hand and smiled I knew at that moment that I've started to gain a glimpse into the man God gave me to marry and a peek into what he has seen all these years of how the rest of the world actually lives... Something that I've known to be true and hasn't changed from coming here is that there  is ONLY ONE WAY--- and His name is JESUS and His grace is sufficient. 

When I get off the airplane and my feet hit the ground in America, I have confidence knowing in my heart that He who has begun a good work in me will see to it to complete it... And I know this is just the beginning of the rest of our happyeverafter...

It's a big, small world and there is much work to do and many people to meet and learn, love and serve, pray and worship alongside...as my young friend from Bolivia told me, "there is America and Canada and then there is the rest of the world."

I'm excited, I'm expectant and I'm ready. This isn't a goodbye or ending to our life in Africa, no, this is just the beginning and so friends, near and far, we will see you all soon. <3 thank you for laying down your lives and loving us and so many others as if your lives depend on it. 

Stay dangerous and be careful for nothing. 

"Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it..."

"I am the way, the truth and the life.."

#gointoalltheworldandpreachthegospel

Stand forth

When things are 

Easy

Hard

Planned

Unplanned

Full

Empty

Sad

Happy

Chaotic

Calm

Safe

Unsafe

Paid

Owed

Helpful

Hurtful

Familiar

Unfamiliar

Certain

Uncertain

Promised

Unpromised

Healthy

Diseased.

Fair.

Unfair.

Ugly.

Beautiful.

Stand forth or don't.

"Not the cowardly... Shall inherit the kingdom of heaven..."

It is good.

These past six days I've seen miracles.

They have come in subtle and powerful ways.

I try to write but stop short, every time.

I think God wants me to hide them in my heart. 

He will let me know when to speak about them  or write or shout them.

I'm not seeking signs or wonders.

I'm believing with faith unswerving  and they are following.

Have you gotten to that place, friends?

Because it's time to stop playing. 

It's time to stop pretending.

It's time to stop doubting.

It just is...

It's time to believe 

and be restored 

and hope 

and holdfast to the things of God.

The multitudes are waiting.

They are in desperate need.

They are like sheep having no shepherd.

They are tired, hurting, lonely, scattered, orphaned, sick, afraid, without shelter, without clothing, without food, water, in prison, in distress and are widowed....

And yet, i think about the multitude who have all those missing things like rest, health, husbands, houses, peace, friends, safety, food, water, family and still aren't satisfied or content, aren't  sharing, doing, giving, going. 

And sometimes I wonder...

Who are the sheep without a shepherd?

Who are the least of these?

I ask my American friends and they seem to have an answer. 

I ask my African friends and they have a different answer. 

I ask myself and I have no answers. 

Whatever it is the Lord is teaching me through what I've seen Him do these past six days has ruined me again for the things of Him. 

And, that's all I have to say about that.

For now. 

"JESUS wept."

"My heart is steadfast..."

Here and There

Here:

Human Child Sacrifices

There:

Abortions

Here:

Some may call it house help

There:

Some would call it slavery

Here:

Small daily portions of food, just enough

There:

This way of eating would be a Detox/cleanse

Here:

Multiple wives 

There:

Divorce, remarriage, divorce, remarriage 

Here:

Guns, everywhere

There:

No open carry or concealed carry 

Here:

Dressing modestly is the normal

There:

Modesty? What? Are you a nun?

Here: 

Everyone says hello and smiles and wants to know your name and shakes hands and hugs and even curtsy sometimes 

There:

Everyone is plugged into a smart phone and doesn't want to talk to anyone else in person- 

Here:

Preachers, everywhere

There:

Preach the gospel but don't use words

Here:

Freedom means Christ 

There:

Freedom reigns 

(but doesn't mean Christ for many)

Here:

Families have been tortured and killed for Christ

There:

People made fun of, disliked, slandered and call it persecution

Here:

Disease goes untreated for lack of access to medical care

There:

Dis ease goes untreated for lack of compassion 

Here:

Terrorism

There:

Fear of terrorism

Here:

JESUS is the way, the truth, and the life

There:

JESUS is the way, the truth, and the life

Whether you're Here or There,

Call upon the name of JESUS

Endure, friends.

Holdfast, friends.

"Cast thy burdens upon the Lord and He will sustain thee..."

"Do not conform to this world..."

"Love others as if your life depended on it.."

Plans

Daily to do:

Wash yourself clean.

Take your evil deeds out of His sight.

Stop doing wrong.

Learn to do right.

Seek justice.

Defend the oppressed.

Take up the cause of the fatherless.

Plead the case of the widow.

"We make plans, God orders our steps..."

Uniquely Woven

Yesterday the headlines in the newspaper said that Uganda was ranked 141 out of 179 of the best countries to give birth or be a mother. Think about that for a second. America is ranked 33. Norway, first.

What does this mean to me and why would I even share this?

Well, because there are some beautiful people here in Uganda supported by some beautiful people in America who are willing to be moved from awareness to action. They have welcomed our family with open hearts and arms to come alongside and support their efforts to lead people to the ONE who changes hearts and minds back to Hope and love, JESUS Christ.

Yesterday we got to witness miracles.

Over 100 pregnant ladies receiving bibles, food, prayer. 

All of us standing together- beside each other- to hear the word preached by Holy Ghost filled people. There were salvations and baby dedications and hands lifted in praise and hearts reconciled to God.  And it wasn't about a ministry name or place. It was His people from many different languages, cultures, places, congregations, backgrounds, ministries, talents, giftings all uniquely woven together.

Sometimes I see so many pointing fingers online at others- 

But sometimes I see so many pointing fingers in the air, giving glory to God. 

These are the Superheroes of faith that God continues to bring into my life.

Some of  them have names like Natalie, Isabelle, Peter, Emma, Edith, Eva, Barbara, Kelly, Jalina, Joy, Malia, Leighton, Emily, Amy, Maggie and over one hundred others.

But, if you ask any one of them, they care more about making the name JESUS known more than themselves. 

And that is something I am blessed to be a part of. 

#bethechurch

#gopreachthegospel

#uniquelywoven

 

11 weeks

We left Cali 11 weeks ago, today

We left 

A happy home

A peaceful community

A lot of comfort

A familiar life

A routine schedule

We found here in Kampala

A beautiful home

A new puppy

A magnificent view

A powerful thunderstorm

A loud city

Some things have changed.

Food.

Transportation.

Accents.

Safety.

Independence.

Some things have remained.

Contentment.

Steadfastness.

Friendships.

Faith. 

Joy.

We have seen

Miracles.

Salvations.

Healings.

Hope.

Love.

It's only been eleven weeks. 

That's just 77 days.

#happiesteveraftercontinues. 

"A day is like a thousand days..."

Noises

Just outside my window

While it's still dark

I hear the Muslim call to prayer

I hear roosters cockadoodles

I hear birds chirping

I hear monkey noises 

As the sun starts to break through

I hear cars starting

Gates opening 

And more birds

I woke up to a loud crash and

My puppy barking

Just outside my window there are two million people 

To pray for

To meet

To love

I don't know how many are hearing the same noises I am 

But I pray that today that I and all of them hear the voice of the one, true God.

#ihearyouGod

"Be still..."

"Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying..."

Needs

This week I heard and saw many needs from women who are from near and faraway

Needing to not feel alone

Needing to feel again

Needing shelter

Needing provision

Needing work

Needing food

Needing rest

Needing to live

Needing freedom

Needing reconciliation

Needing water

Needing salvation

Needing to not lean on their own understanding

Needing to rebuke evil

Needing to be slow to anger

Needing calm

Needing rescue

Needing protection

Needing to be safe

Needing nourishment

Needing exhortation

Needing to be edified

Needing repentance

Needing forgiveness

Needing laughter

Needing hugs

Needing to deny self

Needing health and wellness and healing

Needing to not be hindered any longer

Needing to be unafraid

Needing rest

Needing clothes

Needing transportation

Needing to know that newness comes from God

Needing to know scriptures

Needing faith

Needing hope

Needing love.

And I thank God for revealing to me that He truly provides more than we ever need. 

#todayisthedayofsalvation

#gopreachthegospel

"Cast thy burdens upon the Lord and He will sustain thee..."

Friends

New friends today in Uganda.

New friends to greet with smiles and open arms.

New friends to worship alongside to new songs and new rhythms.

New friends living in new places about the city.

New friends to hold hands and pray for and with.

New friends standing up amongst the believers to preach about the new, tender mercies of God.

New friends exhorting new mommies to good works to nourish their babies with great care and safety.

New friends who radiate Christ and simply love others, not for applause or recognition but because they are His.  

New friends to smile with and laugh with and be grateful for--

New mommy expecting her new fourth baby, extending her hands to me asking in her heavy accent if I will be her new friend.

"Yes, I would love too."

"And them? I want them to be my new friends too, please" as she points to my best friends who I once was pregnant with and praying for before I ever knew their faces, my all grown up daughters,

"Yes, and of course," I reply, "they would love to be your new friends too."

Thankful for Friends of God and Friends of mine, everywhere. 

"A friend loveth at all times..."

Identity

Not in my nationality 

Not in my race

Not in my culture

Not in my ministry name

Not in my affiliations

Not in my age

Not in my appearance 

Not in my style

Not in my possessions 

Not in my performance

Not in my illness

Not in my dis ease

Not in my wellness, willingness or welfare

Not in the applause or scrutiny of others

Not in my family name

Not in my education

Not in my resume

Not in my mistakes

Not in my victories

Not in my marital status

Not in my abilities

Not in my challenges

Not in my birth

Not in my labor

Not in my parenting

Not in my job title

Not in my to do list

Not in my past

Not in my agenda

Not in my address

Not in my credit score

Not in my finances

Not in my real estate

Not in my gym membership

Not in my talents

Not in my yesterday's

Not in my tomorrows.

No, My Identity is found in Christ

God is not a respecter of persons. 

"Whoever loses his life for my sake will find it..."

Birth

I got to attend my first birth here in Africa on Good Friday.

As I gathered with new friends and a Spirit Filled Family in a local private hospital, I couldn't help but wonder how the Lord put us all together.

It was as if we had known each other for a long time however it has only been weeks and most of the family I met that day.

There is something about birth that does that. You get to know people really quick in an intimate way that many don't experience in lifelong friendships or even among relatives. And, I'm not talking about the intimacy with the parents necessarily, but about the rest of the family who surrounds them.

I think that is just one of the many reasons why being a birth doula is so special to me. I love real relationships and you can't fake feelings when it has to do with birth!

There were tears of joy and prayers and hands held as hearts were trusting God and a beautiful baby entered into a loving family.

I heard testimonies of God's faithfulness during birth from other women and shared testimonies of Gods sovereignty and grace.

That part of this experience I will forever cherish and it felt just like the other births I've attended in the States. The new parts are unforgettable as well and I'll try and write a bit about here- briefly...

I traveled across my city in the dark to an unknown address by a private hire car, despite the terrorist threats permeating our city. That, is new.

I didn't have my doula partner Karen beside me who usually goes with me but I knew she would be praying without ceasing nine thousand miles away. Her prayers I can always count on but her being so far away I haven't gotten used too yet. That is new.

I traveled later to the hospital with daddy to be driving through streets unfamiliar to me and while at a stop light had my window rolled down with a homeless mother wearing her baby reaching into my car begging for help while mommy to be was laboring in back seat. I will never forget that. Too many emotions to describe, even still, days later. New feelings I can't adequately describe- impaled again with compassion and yes, that was new.

The hospital was quiet and I quickly smiled at everyone I met. Not because I was nervous but rather because I knew God was up to something beyond a birth of a baby- and I didn't know what it was- I think I do now, Maybe-

Maybe He wanted to show me that I'm His and 

Maybe He wanted to remind me that without a doubt I am supposed to be here (Africa) because pretty much everyone welcomed me and told me how glad they were I was there,

Maybe He wanted to stretch my faith because I didn't have internet (forgot my hot spot) and it was just me and Him, not me and my Rudy or me and my girls, just me and Him, 

Maybe He wanted to remind me that all the promises I share with others I am just beginning to learn in new, stronger ways,

Maybe He wanted to teach me again to speak softly, in love and without fear to generations of people who had soft hearts, His words, not mine,

Maybe He wanted my heart to be so overwhelmed at the sight of new parents trusting JESUS for their first baby or maybe, just maybe, He wanted a beautiful young lady to watch and listen throughout the afternoon to what He was doing through all of us believing in Him that she ended up recommitting her life to Christ right there in the waiting room.

He wanted His glory to be seen.

He wanted her to be His and He wanted to show me that He is able and always beckoning us towards Him, that being a doula is so much less about being beside and serving a mother and so much more about Him being by our side as we serve Him.

Yes, birth. 

As we say in the doula world, "a lot more than a baby comes out at birth."

When it was all over and my family arrived to pick me up in the dark of night beneath lightning skies, I told an auntie how grateful I was to be there with them on Good Friday. 

 And she smiled and again thanked me and said, "do you hear? Do you hear what everyone in the hospital is saying about you?"

"No, what are they saying?"

"They are calling you the Praying Mzungu!"

I've been called many things in many places by many people. 

But this, "the praying white person"  I'll take it- with a glad and sincere heart.

"And the Angels rejoice..."

Calling

To righteousness

To greater faith

To more love

To repentance

To fearless speaking

To worship

When you get an opportunity to minister in your calling 

How much money you make

How much sleep you get

How much it costs you

Doesn't matter.

Don't miss your calling.

"Be ready in season and out of season..."

#prayingmzungu

Seven weeks

Hard to put into words what I am seeing

Easy to pour out tears how I am feeling

Faith has grown.

He is working on me carefully

I am abiding in Him dangerously

Fear is gone.

Sleeping all night, finally

Awakening to new beginnings daily

Revival has come and 

It has begun in me.

"I will give you a new heart..."

Simplify

It's amazing how at forty five you can pack twenty three years of marriage into three suitcases in two weeks and then move suddenly nine thousand miles away from everything familiar and after four weeks of living out of a single carryon you wonder why on earth did I pack so many "things?"

These past six weeks from when we heard of our deployment I made a quick decision to share everything and give the rest away. My husband was on the East Coast for one of the two weeks we had to pack on the West Coast. I, too, wondered for a moment what would happen to all of our stuff. I said no to selling everything or anything because I wanted to make our last days in America more about people and memories and less about organizing things for profit.

And I am so glad we did! (Insert hugs and kind words from friends I've known for decades but haven't seen in years)

It's sort of strange to me though when my inbox is still full of questions from the States asking me repeatedly what happened to my cars, home, clothes, food, dogs, everything. 

As if any of those things could possibly matter more than answering the call of God on our lives-? 

As if one day I will think any of those things mattered more than standing beside my husband as he goes into some of the places Angels fear to tread to protect the weak and proclaim the goodness and mercy of God?

The tone of the repeated questions is almost accusatory- and it's bothersome but I understand them at the same time and that's where I am learning grace- 

Because there are some people who can't believe ever leaving their homes, cars, family, friends, dogs, stuff for anyone or anything let alone for people who want to hurt you, kill you, or don't know you or will not pay you handsomely for it;

And because there are some people who are simply curious and are wondering how this all happened so fast and are praying for their one day to drop everything, pick up and go too;

And then there's just some people who don't hear from God themselves so this decision is simply ridiculous to them and they would never want to understand why we left the safety of Nor Cal to move to the danger in East Africa and the Middle East;

And, there's others who ask these same questions because they want to pray, support, help in anyway including driving a thousand miles with their five children to move multiple cars and scores of boxes of stuff out of the way so it doesn't hinder what the Lord wants to do with His people;

And, then there's opinions from everyone else who's in between those extremes.  And I'm hearing them. 

And it's all good. 

I think I keep getting these repeated questions though because my answers aren't acceptable to most ("God took care of everything") so I thought I could publicly answer some questions here, or at least try too.

Some will understand and some won't- but that's okay too, here goes...

When I first started serving God I had three young children. Now, I'm about to have three grandchildren. 

 I remember wondering how everything would continue to happen if I "did outreach" too...Like the little things which seemed a big deal to me--  laundry, cooking, cleaning, chores, errands, sports schedules, music schedules, holidays, anniversarys, birthdays, date nights, costco shopping, home groups, bible studies, all the stuff in my life, etc. 

I repented early and decided to not think that "doing outreach" was something I needed to "add" to my busy life but rather make "outreach" a daily way to live  and watch how everything else would fall into place. Take what was big in my life before I was born again and make it small and start surrendering to my Big God.

I quickly grew tired of the word "mission trip" and decided my life was either a great commission from God or it wasn't, and removed "mission trip" from my vocabulary. There was plenty of work to be done in my own city, neighborhood, country, home, relationships with my husband and family everyday to further Gods kingdom and so if I got the opportunity to serve wherever I was nearby at the moment (hospital, coffee shop, home, kitchen, backyard, skid row, projects, tenderloin, online, in a building, in the gutter, with many or with few), I was going to take it. And, if I "got" an airplane ticket to travel faraway then so be it. But it couldn't be a "someday" mission trip it had to be an "everyday" opportunity to live a full life as a Christian. 

Soon, we found ourselves as a family spending time distributing food, clothes, prayer, hope and preaching the gospel together. Our lives became less about "stuff" and more about worship and our focus changed. Our schedules changed. Our worship changed. Our relationships changed. Everything changed except our address. 

So now, after all these years it doesn't seem like a quick move to me but an advance to a greater territory to know Him and make Him known. God has prepared us for a time such as this. 

So, I guess this extraordinary move seems more ordinary to me than it would for others. If I could have fast forwarded in my mind what our first month being out of America and in Africa I honestly don't know if that would have made this an easier transition or not, because we are adapting, improvising and overcoming everyday. I have never been one to want to know what tomorrow brings- I like just "being" because none of us are promised tomorrow.

I messaged my closest friend who I ask questions too that are sometimes bothersome as well- and she shows me grace in so many ways- whenever we talk our conversations range from tears to laughter pretty much line by line... and I told her the other night that we had a puppy, food and three extra people living with us just not a house or beds yet and didn't know exactly how the finances would work out on paper. She wrote back something like "wouldn't expect anything different- sounds good and like the Gonzo way to me." 

Our dogs are happy back home (one is probably at his German shepherd play group as I type this and the other is probably sleeping on my bed planning his day around barking at the mailman) and our new shepherd is cuddling against my feet. Our home back in the States  is filled with Spirit Filled preachers who are reaching out to the broken, traded and lost and a new garden has been planted and there's undoubtedly worship music blasting, laughter and fresh food. Our home here was opened for worship last night with our hearts full as children, and new friends filled this empty space to share prayers and praise before the movers come with our new car from SP and those twelve suitcases the four of us packed full of our stuff from the States.

As soon as I see it, I'll have more answers for those still asking what I did with everything. But for now, I'm just grateful that you cared enough to ask.

"Seek first His kingdom..."

#gomakedisciples

A good thing

I know women who 

Love 

Respect

Adore

Submit too

Take care of

Speak kindly of

Encourage

Exhort

Support

Pray for

Not distract

Not hinder

Not gossip about

Stand beside

Forgive

Believe in

And grieve for

Their husbands. 

I also know women who

Choose not too.

And it's not because of abuse

Or a lack of Godly character that their husbands have-

No, it's their choice to

Hate

Quench their thirst for God

Be angry

Take authority over

Stay frustrated

Disrespect

Undermine

Discourage

Take for granted

Complain about

Distract

Cheat on

Resent

The one they were made to 

Help meet God.

Forgiveness is from God.

Nothing is hidden from Him.

Confess.

Repent.

"Times of refreshing will come..."

May we as wives be that good thing all the days of their lives. 

#ihearyouGod

Take Away

Three weeks ago I woke up for the first time here in Uganda. 

For a glimpse into my day to day moving from the beautiful wine country in California to near Lake Victoria in Kampala be still for a moment and just for a moment imagine yourself here this morning- but first

Take away smooth streets and quiet neighborhoods

Take away stop signs and traffic lights and light posts across the city

Take away crosswalks and sidewalks

Take away houses with front yards exposed without razor wire or armed men

Take away curbs

Take away picket fences and dogs on leashes

Take away joggers and babies in strollers or car seats

Take away Safeway grocery stores or whole foods or fast food or Barnes and Noble

Take away freeways or vineyards

Take away costco or Starbucks or smartphones

Take away entering a parking lot, restaurant or store by walking or driving without having your purse, car or limbs searched by guards or mirrors placed under your car looking for explosives

Take away windows and doors glass or screen that open wide without bars

Take away not locking your front door, windows, your side door or your back doors while you're home during the day behind the compound gates with the guard

Take away cnn, Fox News, prime time, talk shows or sports

Take away a clothes dryer or a full size freezer or refrigerator 

Take away front loading washing machines or sleeping without a mosquito net

Take away worship music on the radio

Take away seeing blonde hair, brown hair or lighter skin everywhere

Take away the use of your iPhone 5 or 6

Take away cool nights or sleeping with cozy blankets

Take away water pressure or hot water in the kitchen

Take away a reliance on entertainment, transportation, power, large portions or a daily expected routine to fill your day

Take away pumping your own gas or dishwashers to do your dishes 

Take away most of the things that you are spending your time on from sun up til sun down- everyday, day in and day out

Take away the ordinary freedoms you have ladies, like walking by yourself anywhere at any time, wearing shorts or driving somewhere, anywhere at any time at your leisure

Take away the pride, entitlement, safety and access to whatever you want, however you want, whenever you want- that's right- maybe you can't afford it but in the loose definition of access or opportunity---take all of it away

And surrender. 

Because, JESUS is with you in America just like He is with me in Africa. 

And He really is all we need. 

I think I'm finally beginning to get insight of how the world actually lives.

"His grace is sufficent." 

"My heart is steadfast."

Taxi Ride Tonight

Children stopping 

to stare at us while we were waiting for our taxi

Children laughing 

dressed in school uniforms past dinner time walking downtown in and out of bodas screeching down the crowded streets

Children holding

Naked babies outside the street market place 

Children playing 

Futbol on a dirt field intensely without shoes 

Children standing

In the sewer ditches, smiling

Children greeting

Us with a handshake and a curtsy when we arrived back to our guest house

My now adult children helping me once again to see past the extraordinary circumstances I'm not used too seeing everyday by smiling through it all and 

Offering children

The love of Christ and homemade cookies. 

"Let the little children come to me..."

"Whosoever offers these little ones a cup of water in my name..."

JESUS loves

The little children, all around the world

And so do I.