It's amazing how at forty five you can pack twenty three years of marriage into three suitcases in two weeks and then move suddenly nine thousand miles away from everything familiar and after four weeks of living out of a single carryon you wonder why on earth did I pack so many "things?"
These past six weeks from when we heard of our deployment I made a quick decision to share everything and give the rest away. My husband was on the East Coast for one of the two weeks we had to pack on the West Coast. I, too, wondered for a moment what would happen to all of our stuff. I said no to selling everything or anything because I wanted to make our last days in America more about people and memories and less about organizing things for profit.
And I am so glad we did! (Insert hugs and kind words from friends I've known for decades but haven't seen in years)
It's sort of strange to me though when my inbox is still full of questions from the States asking me repeatedly what happened to my cars, home, clothes, food, dogs, everything.
As if any of those things could possibly matter more than answering the call of God on our lives-?
As if one day I will think any of those things mattered more than standing beside my husband as he goes into some of the places Angels fear to tread to protect the weak and proclaim the goodness and mercy of God?
The tone of the repeated questions is almost accusatory- and it's bothersome but I understand them at the same time and that's where I am learning grace-
Because there are some people who can't believe ever leaving their homes, cars, family, friends, dogs, stuff for anyone or anything let alone for people who want to hurt you, kill you, or don't know you or will not pay you handsomely for it;
And because there are some people who are simply curious and are wondering how this all happened so fast and are praying for their one day to drop everything, pick up and go too;
And then there's just some people who don't hear from God themselves so this decision is simply ridiculous to them and they would never want to understand why we left the safety of Nor Cal to move to the danger in East Africa and the Middle East;
And, there's others who ask these same questions because they want to pray, support, help in anyway including driving a thousand miles with their five children to move multiple cars and scores of boxes of stuff out of the way so it doesn't hinder what the Lord wants to do with His people;
And, then there's opinions from everyone else who's in between those extremes. And I'm hearing them.
And it's all good.
I think I keep getting these repeated questions though because my answers aren't acceptable to most ("God took care of everything") so I thought I could publicly answer some questions here, or at least try too.
Some will understand and some won't- but that's okay too, here goes...
When I first started serving God I had three young children. Now, I'm about to have three grandchildren.
I remember wondering how everything would continue to happen if I "did outreach" too...Like the little things which seemed a big deal to me-- laundry, cooking, cleaning, chores, errands, sports schedules, music schedules, holidays, anniversarys, birthdays, date nights, costco shopping, home groups, bible studies, all the stuff in my life, etc.
I repented early and decided to not think that "doing outreach" was something I needed to "add" to my busy life but rather make "outreach" a daily way to live and watch how everything else would fall into place. Take what was big in my life before I was born again and make it small and start surrendering to my Big God.
I quickly grew tired of the word "mission trip" and decided my life was either a great commission from God or it wasn't, and removed "mission trip" from my vocabulary. There was plenty of work to be done in my own city, neighborhood, country, home, relationships with my husband and family everyday to further Gods kingdom and so if I got the opportunity to serve wherever I was nearby at the moment (hospital, coffee shop, home, kitchen, backyard, skid row, projects, tenderloin, online, in a building, in the gutter, with many or with few), I was going to take it. And, if I "got" an airplane ticket to travel faraway then so be it. But it couldn't be a "someday" mission trip it had to be an "everyday" opportunity to live a full life as a Christian.
Soon, we found ourselves as a family spending time distributing food, clothes, prayer, hope and preaching the gospel together. Our lives became less about "stuff" and more about worship and our focus changed. Our schedules changed. Our worship changed. Our relationships changed. Everything changed except our address.
So now, after all these years it doesn't seem like a quick move to me but an advance to a greater territory to know Him and make Him known. God has prepared us for a time such as this.
So, I guess this extraordinary move seems more ordinary to me than it would for others. If I could have fast forwarded in my mind what our first month being out of America and in Africa I honestly don't know if that would have made this an easier transition or not, because we are adapting, improvising and overcoming everyday. I have never been one to want to know what tomorrow brings- I like just "being" because none of us are promised tomorrow.
I messaged my closest friend who I ask questions too that are sometimes bothersome as well- and she shows me grace in so many ways- whenever we talk our conversations range from tears to laughter pretty much line by line... and I told her the other night that we had a puppy, food and three extra people living with us just not a house or beds yet and didn't know exactly how the finances would work out on paper. She wrote back something like "wouldn't expect anything different- sounds good and like the Gonzo way to me."
Our dogs are happy back home (one is probably at his German shepherd play group as I type this and the other is probably sleeping on my bed planning his day around barking at the mailman) and our new shepherd is cuddling against my feet. Our home back in the States is filled with Spirit Filled preachers who are reaching out to the broken, traded and lost and a new garden has been planted and there's undoubtedly worship music blasting, laughter and fresh food. Our home here was opened for worship last night with our hearts full as children, and new friends filled this empty space to share prayers and praise before the movers come with our new car from SP and those twelve suitcases the four of us packed full of our stuff from the States.
As soon as I see it, I'll have more answers for those still asking what I did with everything. But for now, I'm just grateful that you cared enough to ask.
"Seek first His kingdom..."
#gomakedisciples
